Stranded in the In-Between: Faith, Singleness, and the Family I Hope to Build

A Different Kind of Holiday Season

This might be a vulnerable post, but it’s an area of my life I’ve felt called to reflect on lately: romantic relationships. Dun. Dun. Dun.
Not in a dramatic way—more in a curious, honest, “huh, this is new” kind of way.

This is my first holiday season in five years without a boyfriend or partner. And honestly? I feel surprisingly content in this space. It feels different and a little weird at times, but underneath all of that is a deep sense of gratitude. I get to spend this season fully present with my parents and my small extended family—no distractions, no pressure, no splitting holidays between households.

Just simplicity.
Just them.
Just me.

“I’m learning to embrace the life I’m living, not the life I thought I’d have by now.”

The Space Between Two Families

I’m realizing I’m in this interesting stage of life—stranded between the family I come from and the family I hope to build someday. I can’t even put into words how much I long to become a wife and a mother—those roles have always been the deepest desire of my heart. To care, to nurture, to build a home… it’s what I’ve wanted more than anything in my whole life.

And because I want it so badly, there are moments where I worry it won’t happen for me. But even in that longing, I know I am already whole and worthy on my own. My desire for marriage isn’t about fixing anything lacking in me—it’s about believing that a cord of three strands is not easily broken, that partnership anchored in God is powerful, sacred, and purposeful.

Letting Faith Lead This Season

For me, I’m choosing faith over fear. I trust that God will bring someone into my life at the right time, someone to build a beautiful, honest, connected life with. But for now, He’s given me the gift of focusing on the family already in front of me.

If I’m honest, I’ve often found my identity in relationships. I liked the idea of having a boyfriend because it made me look “normal.” It made me feel secure. It made me feel like I was doing life the “right” way. But looking back, I can see the ways I pushed my own boundaries, ignored my own needs, and softened my own voice just to maintain harmony or meet someone else’s expectations.

I’m learning that God has me in this season of singleness for a reason:
To develop my character.
To strengthen good habits.
To learn what I actually value.
To grow my relationship with Him above all else.

“Right now, I’m not seeking a partner. I’m seeking Him.”

Trusting That the Right Door Will Open

For whatever reason, my last two relationships didn’t move toward the covenant of marriage. That used to scare me. Now I see it differently. I believe the Holy Spirit was guiding both my decisions and theirs. Protecting me even when I didn’t realize I needed protecting.

When the time is right, I know God will bless me with a husband who provides, protects, and leads with honesty, respect, and love. Someone who aligns with my values. Someone who feels like home.

Until then, God is shaping me—gently, intentionally—into the person I need to be. For myself. For Him. And someday, for the marriage and family I pray to build.

This season may feel different, but it feels right. And I’m thankful for it.